The awesomeness of the Twilight world

On one fateful day, I walked into a DVD store, shelled out 60 bucks and rented the New Moon DVD. It must have been predestined. In the words of another great philosopher, Paulo Coelho, “It’s Maktub” or destiny. I though I had to check it out. Let’s see what all the fuss is about. Since I am a starry-eyed girl with weaknesses for passion, romance and washboard abs, it was time to experience the next great phenomenon after Justin Bieber and Hannah Montana, which is the Twilight saga.

I must indulge in a little preamble here. Last year, I had rented Twilight. Yes, one of those moments when that impish little red devil sits firmly on my head and dictates my thought. I wish it would make me do some cooler things. Like win the foosball round against some buggers. Or acquire a sponsor for booze session. Or magically credit some few grand to me account. But, heck! So, I started watching Twilight. I watched it for about 45 mins. Then switched it off, having decided that I am not a person worthy of such epic awesomeness. A girl who continues to shiver and give a deadpan expression for some unknown reason for one-fourth of the film and the oh-so-handsome hero who jumps from one tree to another were too complex happenings for a simpleton like me to grasp. Over the next few months, I have come across people with amorous pictures of Pattinson and Stewart stuck to their soft boards, going gaga over how ‘super cool’ the book is. Apparently, it beats even Mills and Boons paperbacks when it comes to display the conflict of love, passion and all such raging feelings us laymen are devoid of. Remember the titles? The Greek Millionaire’s Sensuous Mistress, to quote for one. The hero and heroine would engage in naughty sexcapades, drift away from each other and finally, through an epiphany, realize their undying love for each other, if not other people.

But Twilight and its siblings owns Mills & Boon’s ass big time. For the first time ever, it introduced a vampire who is as pretty as a daffodil. Yes. Robert Pattinson. Droopy eyes, alabaster complexion that sparkles in the sun, cherry red lips, women are swooning and drooling and licking their drool. And, Kristen Stewart? Move over, Katrina Kaif. Kristen has the love of a vampire. What have you, Miss Kaif? Just the steroid-boosted body and cranky temperament of an actor in his mid 40s.

So, I sat through the two hours of New Moon and tried to grapple with the complexities of inter-species love. Inter-caste love? Bah! Old news. Inter-racial marriage? Pfft. Way to illogical. The triangular love story of a werewolf who loves perennially sad chick who loves vampire that sparkles in the sun! Whoa! It crosses boundaries, reaches deep within the recesses of your heart and stirs emotions that have been lying dormant for eons.

Things that specially struck me as moments of cinematic genius, histrionic gems and plot twists that would put The Joker to shame. Cries of anguish or pure horniness at night when vampire lover deserts sad chick. Not at all cringe worthy. If you can sit through that, you can sit through Mayawati and Lalit Modi hosting a combo chat show on TV together. Abs/Man boobs of Taylor Lautner and his gang. That’s one clever thinking to cash in on the female fantasy. Only if Mr. Lautner’s face didn’t resemble a shriveled apple so badly. And there’s a pack of guys who turn into werewolves when they are hungry or angry. Never anywhere before will you get to see such skin-fest. It’s like McDonald’s Value Meal offer. All super awesome things coming together in one great package. The film also succeeds in making you crave for some actual mind-blowing action scenes, given the fact that it takes into account so many kinds of species out there. I am surprised it didn’t put dwarfs, elves and demons in it as well.

New Moon succeeds in showing an entire gamut of emotions that consists of moans, blank stares, screams and some more moans. After some more moans and snarls, sad chick and vampire lover get back together, in true Bollywood style. And I, finally heave a sigh of relief and say ‘Aal izz well’. The End.

This post merely tries to portray some flitting thoughts on this epic, mind-numbing saga. For the real deal, go here - http://www.the-editing-room.com/twilight-new-moon.html.